One Thing

22. Decisions

2008-08-18T20:18:00.000-07:00

The following is my letter to Staff-Parish explaining my decision to delay Candidacy:

11 August 2008

To the members of the State Street Staff-Parish Relations Committee:

Thank you for making time for me in your August meeting. I appreciate the chance to meet with you in preparation for declared candidacy, and the support you have given me in the past as well. However, I’m learning that a large part of any calling is learning to live in God’s time. Though the result is usually something much simpler than I would create for myself, it leaves me scrambling with the plans I build up for myself. I have felt a good deal of “gentle nudging” that this is not the right time for me to pursue candidacy further. Let me attempt to explain further.

When I prepared to visit Hyden, Kentucky with the rest of our Appalachia Service Project team, I expected it to be different than anything I’d ever seen. I expected to fall in love with the people there. I knew I would change, too, but I didn’t know how much! You see, the more I fell in love, the more my viewpoint on ministry changed. First, it was the way I perceived “mission work.” The overcrowded and noisy Estep dwelling was so unlike anything I had ever encountered. Our work, though, was so much less about the church and about doing ministry than it was about forming relationships and becoming a part of the community. Second, I was changed by falling in love with those in poverty rather than simply donating money. When I went on Sunday night home visits, I wondered how they could possibly live like they did. On Friday night, as we prepared to leave, I wondered how I could possibly live like I do. I will never look at poverty in the same way again because it has a face now, and I love the people that belong to those faces.

Our trip to Kentucky taught me how important community is and how important it is to get to know people even if you can’t solve all their problems. It taught me how much more I love sitting down and talking with people than sitting in committee meetings and talking about potential ways to help people. So, I’m working on pruning commitments in my life, so that I can be more intentional about being a part of the Ann Arbor community. I will be attending the University of Michigan this fall, and I want to be able to start fresh. Much of my time in Saginaw was spent wishing that I had more time to do things in the community and more time to not only foster existing relationships but begin new ones. It was always on a to-do list, though, and rarely on a calendar. I’m pruning passionless commitments, and I’m pruning the feeling of needless rush. Certified Candidacy follows close on the heels of Declared Candidacy, and after that, continuing candidacy and meeting after meeting after meeting until eventually ordination. I’m simply not as ready as I thought I was. I have so much more to learn about myself and my approach to ministry, about people in community, and about God’s amazing role in it all.

I still feel called to the ministry of an elder in the United Methodist Church. I still feel God’s careful leading. Yet, I grow each day in the knowledge that God has much more for me to learn as well. I’m taking a year (maybe two or three) away from this process to learn and grow more before I am able to return. Though I may come back with just as many questions, my hope is that I will return with a clearer head. Thank you again for making time for me, and for giving me the space to come back when I’m ready. Blessings for the journey!

In Christ’s Love,

Lizz Martin

21. Keeping up

2008-04-21T21:54:00.000-07:00

A usual phenomenon--struggling just to keep up with what's right in front of my face.

I have had an amazing past few weeks, though.

Here's a (not so) small part:

(1) To begin with, the weather has been absolutely gorgeous. Clear, sunny days and weather in the 70's is unheard of for Michigan at this time of the year. We've gone outside many of the days at school, and our language arts class is heading off for our annual writing retreat tomorrow. I am always excited for this, but this may be our first warm -- and sunny -- year!

(2) Our Conference Council on Youth Ministries lead a Confirmands' Rally for about 250 youth from both the West Michigan and Detroit Conferences. I was the chair of the planning committee and put in many late nights getting things together, but every second was worth it. Those who volunteered to help with the rally -- from the praise band at the college and local church, to our youth coordinator, to the amazing CCYM leaders who worked with workshops and worship, to all the attending youth who willingly participated. There were some kinks, and I learned a lot along the way, but I enjoyed it so immensely. God was working in so many awesome ways.

(3) This past weekend I went to a Youth Lay Speaking Weekend in our district, taking the Advanced Class, Lay Speakers Tell Stories-- the course is written by Ray Buckley. As my last time attending as a youth, as well as one of my last times truly being laity (I'll be in the transition this time next year as a certified candidate, God-willing), it meant a lot to me. I enjoyed spending a silly weekend with some older friends and getting a chance to meet the new youth there for basic. We paired up with them as prayer partners and really had some awesome conversations. It got me ready for a week of work-- but alas I'm off for another retreat. I will have mountains by the time I get back on Thursday because...

(4) speaking of work, I have a lot! Finals for my Spanish class are next week. Our group is presenting on women's changing roles in society in Spain from the Civil War there through present. I have an ending narrative to write, severe memorizing to do as the narrator, an evaluation to prepare, and I'm sure, as the week progresses, several other details to attend to. As well, I have a final paper to write for that class on elements of theatre in Todo Sobre Mi Madre (a subject I chose myself and am interested in, but still have no reason to look forward to writing!) I am weeks behind in AP French--thank goodness for an understanding teacher. I have a test to finish, three essays to write, two quizzes, and a discussion board post. I need to gain momentum to finish the course early, as well, since I'm graduating before the end of the course as scheduled. My Japanese course...is well, not being done. Out of 8 lessons (that take me approximately 2 hours each), I've finished exactly one...and maybe a half.

Why is it so much easier to write about work than to do it? I also have books to read and a paper to write for English and a chapbook to put together. But I will get through it, and it will feel good when I do because

I.am.graduating!!!!

(5) In a windfall, I received two jobs for this summer. One, which I have started, is at a cute place called Tropical Smoothie Cafe. The hours are somewhat long, but I love the work, love the people, and definitely love my discounts on the food. I'll also be working at the zoo after the start of their season in May. I am very excited for this summer! It will be busy but a good one.

(6) And the other things filling my time? Various church events, registering for housing and orientation at U of M for next year, working through the Candidacy Process and preparing for the psych assessment that comes next, and trying to find some time to spend with friends and family (particulary my mother -- and Sammy and Ashton whom I haven't seen in a few weeks!) as well as squeezing in an occasional nap or two.

Off to do tomorrow's packing--

Grace and peace!

20. Cain's narrative

2008-04-21T21:51:00.001-07:00

Here is a written version of roughly the story I told at the lay speaking training I attended this last weekend. Subject: Storytelling. Contrary to what I would have thought as I was writing it (especially since not even the idea was in conception before arriving), I think I actually did a much better job of telling it without the words in front of me! In fact, I keep trying to remember all that I said to help flesh out the written version. One facilitator told me that she was amazed that I didn't use a single "um." -- I have to say I was amazed at that too. God works in awesome ways!

I. Growing up, I felt an amazing sense of freedom. The world was open to possibility. I would walk for miles in every direction -- sometimes to pass the time and other times as our family searched for new soil to cultivate. And no matter where we walked, there was never an end in sight -- just wide-open spaces that stretched on forever. There was so much possibility in this space. I knew that my brother and I would have children and grandchildren enough to fill this world. Surely, God created us for great things.

II. Yet as I grew older I started to lose sight of this. The weight of the endless possibilities started to be a load upon my shoulders. I soon began to wonder if somewhere in that wide-open space God had created another family, and if not, why us? Why us with such a great capacity to sin? You see, I began to hear the stories of my parents' exile from the garden of Eden, which means "luxuriance." They were exiled from luxury for their sin, and they did not fit in this new land. This land that had been so open for me, and so full of possibility, had been a source of contention for my father. I loved to work with the land-- smoothing out the rough places, opening up the pinecones and fruits and sliding my fingers inside to take out their seeds, planting seeds deep in the ground, caring for them and watching them grow. When we grew old enough, my brother and I knew we had to choose what to do to maintain our living. It did not make sense that we both would do the work of our father -- both farming and caring for the animals--so we chose to each do what we liked best. For me, I knew automatically. I loved the soil and wanted that to be my work. In part, it was a way for me to make up for my parents' actions. This may be their punishment, but I would make things right again. Abel, my younger brother, chose to shepherd the animals. These were the animals our father had named, and he wanted to carry on that name. And so, here we were-- me striving to rectify the past, and him, striving ahead for our father's attention.

III. We worked well in this way for many years, side by side providing for our parents, and for our brothers and sisters as they came along. One day, the idea came to Abel that we should give back part to our God. He had provided so much to us, and it seemed only right to give part back. My father loved the idea, and I? I thought it was another attempt for my brother to take the forefront. Our parents' love was not enough -- was not I too providing in equal amount for our welfare. He wanted God's approval as well. I went along with the idea though--how could I not? As I was picking my crops, though, I couldn't help but pause. How does one determine what is the best for God? Is it wrong to want the best for my family? They are here. They are tangible. What I give to God, I cannot give to my family. And so, as I wandered the fields, I picked the second best. I picked a beautiful array -- of fruits and vegetables of every variety and fine wheat and grain that I had watched over all year with gentle care. I was pleased with my work, and I hoped silently that it was enough. I brought my offering first to the altar we had constructed. I hoped my eagerness might erase my doubt. But, alas, Abel arrived with the best of his flock, and he made great show of his sacrifice. Afterward, God commended him, and to me, he said nothing.

IV. Then, finally, he spoke, but his words were too big, and I did not understand. He said, "Sin's urge is toward you, yet you can be its master." Was it sin to give God second best? What was sin? I had known my parents' sin, but I did not yet know the capacity of my own. I did not understand.

V. The weight continued to build. Now, I had the possibility for good things so strong upon my shoulders that there was hardly any room for freedom. I wanted to rectify the mistakes of my parents. I wanted to love my brother. I wanted to follow God's words for me. I waited and I wrestled with these things upon my heart, but the load only grew and my heart became to heavy to love anything-- not even myself, for I felt worthless.

VI. And so, one day, I called for my brother in the fields, and I killed him. And then, I hid from God.

VII. It was rash, adn the guild was too much to even comprehend the details. Had I truly stabbed him with his own knife? I, who had never hunted? I, whose work was with the gentle care of plants had slain my brother. And I did not know what I was doing. But one thing I knew. Suddenly, that immense weight had been lifted. The pressure had broken from all sides -- for I was in hiding even from myself. And yet, I did not feel free. What had been a sense of purpose, though burdening, had been replaced with the weights of guilt and remorse-- under which I was helpless.

VIII. And so, God found me in this state, cowering. And as he demanded to know what I had done with my brother, his words were deafening to my ears. They rushed at high speed and stole all else from my mind. Was I my brother's keeper? I did not know, for I could not claim something I had not fulfilled. When God had finished speaking, I was low to the ground. It was my good-bye. For I could no longer work with the soil I loved. The blood of Abel was there now, and nothing was any longer as God had intended. I had violated nature's trust and it had rejected me in turn. I lay low to the ground, and I pleaded with God. I begged him, "At least, Lord, as I am wandering, may one along the road kill me." But that was not to be. I had killed my flesh. His blood shed was not only his own but that of his descendents. God knew I must live with this memory in order to be healed. But I was scared. A life of wandering was not for me -- to leave the famiyl I had provided for? to leave the rich land I had cultivated? I had no idea what was to come or even what I might encounter-- only that I would live through anything. I stood in the still wind, facing East-- even further away from the garden where it had all begun-- wondering that God had marked even me. God had marked even me.

Amen

19. What is God's invitation for us at this season of our lives?

2008-03-03T18:19:00.001-08:00

The Rising: Living the Mysteries of Lent, Easter, and Pentecost by Wendy M. Wright. Our church is going through a bible study on Thursday nights with this book right now. It is a good chance for discussion mid-week.

Desert Listening

"Several years ago I was invited to give a Lenten retreat in Wyoming at a thriving university campus Catholic parish. The parish ministers had gone to great lengths to make the Lenten season come alive for their parishioners. Worship services were carefully designed to heighten the Lenten mood. Visually, the church interior proclaimed the seasonal mood. Banners of the traditional Lenten purple (the liturgical color of penance) hung from the ceiling of the church. There were also large earthenware bowls filled with sand decorating the steps leading to the altar. While this in itself is not unusual in denominations that are highly liturgical, this parish high in the mountainous plains of Wyoming had at least one visual and tactile sign that was unique. They had filled the holy water fonts that stand at the doorways to the church with desert sand. Entering the sanctuary it is customary to dip one's fingers in the water and make the sign of the cross. During this year's season that habitual gesture would be arrested in process. One would find one had dipped into the dryness of sand.

"By this hand-dipping gesture I was made keenly aware of the Lenten desert invitation. I was taken back not only to Jesus' wilderness drama but also to the desert ascetics of fourth century Egypt, Palestine, and Syria. For me they are models of discernment. These zealous Christians, convinced that discipleship meant a radical transformation of life, left the "world" with its false values and fled to the desert, there to do battle with the "worldly" demons lodged in their own hearts. Pride, greed, self-aggrandizement, lust for power -- all the false motivations that drive human beings -- were ferreted out and replaced by the spirit of Christ: the spirit of compassion, humility, and purity of heart.

"The key to the transformation of the desert was the ascetic's listening ear. In silence and solitude they cultivated a hearing attuned to catch the voice of God. They learned that going apart from the noisy environment of daily life to the silence of the desert enabled them to perceive deeper levels of noise and silence. In the desert's quiet they discovered the noisiness within, the restless cacophony of voices raging in their hearts. Yet if they persevered further, they found that beneath that was another level of silence, an abyss of stillness that encompassed all that exists. There, in the primal silence within the human heart, the voice of God could be clearly heard." [this last would be an interesting sermon illustration for the story of Elijah on Mount Sinai in 1 Kings 19]

"The patient process of untangling the threads of voices, of settling down to the center was the lifelong work of the desert. It is our work as well. Like the desert ascetics, we must learn the art of inner listening. Where do the many voices within come from? And where do they lead? To self-aggrandizement and judgement of others, or to compassion and reconciliation? Which of the voices is the voice of God? To what am I called? What is God's invitation for me at this season of my life?

"Lent is a time for tuning our ears, for listening carefully, for discerning the texture and quality of our own demons, for attending to God's unceasing, creative plea amidst the noise of cultural pressures, the busyness of life, and our own self-limiting habits. Some of our Lenten discernments may be fairly straightforward. We may have become inattentive in our eating or drinking and need to give our oversatiated bodies a holiday. We may need to curb a smoking habit that endangers the health of those we live with as well as ourselves. We may need to cultivate a more rhythmic pattern of prayer or bring the scriptures into clearer focus in our everyday life. We may need to mend the pieces of a broken relationship. We may need to take some of the time we hoard so tightly for work and lavish it on our children or friends. We may be called to respond to the cry of the poor, to feed the hungry, to shelter the homeless, or to visit the prisoner. All these can rightly be discerned as God's prompting to a freer life.

"But the ongoing process of discernment, which I think is the more subtle invitation of the Lenten season, is not always so straightforward. It involves a radical and risky self-evaluation and a commitment to rethink and rework everything you know you are. God is always calling us out of ourselves, into a more generous freedom, so that we can love and serve ourselves and one another more authentically.

"What does that freedom look like for each of us this season? We might have images in our minds as to what we ideally should be. But perhaps soemtimes the ideal is less important that the real. The spiritual life is not a generic undertaking, despite the fact that it is often characterized as such. Rather, it involves the unique encounter of a particular woman or man in her or his concrete history and circumstances with the God who dared and continues to dare to be incarnate in human form. The spiritual life is never twice the same. Always utterly new, always surpising, the human meeting with God through the discernment of spirits invites us to become listeners to God's voice heard among the multitude of voices crowding the human heart. We must be open to hear the surprising message it may bring." (p. 32-34)

18. Life's List

2008-02-26T23:31:00.000-08:00

Learn sign language. Reach proficiency in Spanish. Reach proficiency in many languages--French, Japanese, Russian, German, Chinese, Hebrew, Greek, Korean, Polish, Italian, Portuguese, Arabic, etc! Use them. Learn to play the piano. Read anything and everything I can get my hands on, at least once. Run. Get a gym membership and use it. Donate 10 feet to Locks of Love (multiple donations, of course! I think I'm at about 3 right now). Bake amazingly. Cook well. Sky dive (or bungee jump). Write a book. Maybe publish it. Teach English as a second language. Travel the world, or travel a small part of it. See absolute poverty. Be changed by it. Work to change it. Live in some place I never thought I'd live. Love. Be loved. Get married. Have children. Study the Bible. Go on a road trip. Sleep on the beach. Take a ballroom dancing lesson. Make pottery. Write a letter to the editor. Do yoga. Be on retreat for thirty days. Vote. Walk ten miles (or more). Sew a quilt. Plant a garden. Go white-water rafting. Learn to knit. Be crafty. Set up a computer by myself. Stop biting my nails. Work with an adult literacy program. Sing without caring how it sounds. Dance without caring how I dance. Take an African dance class. Sew an outfit. Work for a non-profit. Be organized, if only for a day. Learn to ride a bike. Learn to ski. Go to France and eat nothing but bread, cheese and pastries. Drink nothing but champagne. Fall in love with a cause, or several. Be changed by loving it and being active in it. Host another exchange student, or several. Give up shopping for a year. Realize how many blessings I have. Keep my friends and family close. Graduate from school, college and seminary. Seek ordination. Live, laugh, love and eat a good deal of dark chocolate and Ben & Jerry's ice cream.

17. Sharing Memories

2008-02-26T23:02:00.000-08:00

My grandpa passed away last Monday. The funeral preparations have been made and done with. Family has arrived and gone. Countless food dishes have come and been eaten. Sympathy cards have piled in. Our answering machine has been full. I feel surrounded by love and support; I really do, and it has been an utterly amazing blessing. I know he is at peace, but to be honest, I'm still struggling with his death, and think I will be for a while. He was such a large part of our lives, of my life, especially over these past months, and this is the longest I've ever gone without seeing him, talking to him, or writing to him. I miss his presence. I miss his voice. I miss the twinkle in his eye when he winked.

My grandpa was a teacher--by profession as a woodshop teacher, but foremost as one who was always learning and wanted to spread it to everyone around him. Every new thing he learned was something everyone got to hear at least twice. His causes--collecting pop can tabs for the local chapter of American legion, St. Jude's Children's Hospital, Saginaw Valley State University--were dear to his heart and always on the tip of his tongue. His passions for history and other cultures spread too. He got a black belt at age 66. He took physical fitness and computer classes at the local university. His daily question for me was, "What did you learn today?" It didn't matter whether it was a school day or not.

My grandpa was one of the first who taught me to question. I remember once when I asked him why the "p" in raspberry was silent. After looking it up, he decided it wasn't silent after all--we'd all been wrong! He had me tell everyone I knew, and he spread the word too. Eventually, of course, our supposition was proved false, but I will always remember what it felt like one of the first times I felt like I had been part of making a discovery that no one else had made.

He was stubborn, but so am I (and at least I know I have a legitimate source for it!) He swore, yelled, lashed out, but taught me patience. I think I will always know that I learned how to nurture from him first.

I'm sure there's more to come...

In closing, the words of "You are Mine" that played with Grandpa's pictures during visitation (Italics are mine):

I will come to you in the silence,
I will lift you from all your fear.
You will hear my voice,
I claim you as my choice,
Be still and know I am here.

Do not be afraid, I am with you.
I have called you each by name.
Come and follow me
I will bring you home;
I love you and you are mine.

I am hope for all who are hopeless,
I am eyes for all who long to see.
In the shadows of the night,
I will be your light,
Come and rest in me.

Do not be afraid, I am with you.
I have called you each by name.
Come and follow me
I will bring you home;
I love you and you are mine.

I am strength for all the despairing,
Healing for the ones who dwell in shame
All the blind will see,
The lame will run free,
And all will know my name.

Do not be afraid, I am with you.
I have called you each by name.
Come and follow me
I will bring you home;
I love you and you are mine.

I am the Word that leads all to freedom,
I am the peace the world cannot give.
I will call your name,
Embracing all your pain,
Stand up, now walk, and live!

Do not be afraid, I am with you.
I have called you each by name.
Come and follow me
I will bring you home;
I love you and you are mine.

"Do not be afraid I am with you" played with the pictures of me as a child smiling and laughing with Grandpa.

For someone so active before the rapid onset of dementia, these words seem so fitting, "I will call your name/embracing all your pain/stand up, now walk, and live!"

All cliche aside, God has called Harry E. Martin, Jr. back to life.

Grace & Peace

16. What privileges have you had?

2008-02-26T19:22:00.000-08:00

As found at Mary Beth's place. Here is a game developed by Jeanne of Social Class and Quakers, based on the copyrighted exercise developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University.

If you play and post, please acknowledge their copyright.

Bold items are privileges I have had.

Father went to college
Father finished college
Mother went to college
Mother finished college
Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor.
Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers
Had more than 50 books in your childhood home
Had more than 500 books in your childhood home
Were read children's books by a parent
Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18
Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively
Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18
Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
Went to a private high school
Went to summer camp (sports and church camps)
Had a private tutor before you turned 18
Family vacations involved staying at hotels
Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
There was original art in your house when you were a child it was done by family friends
Had a phone in your room before you turned 18
You and your family lived in a single family house
Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
You had your own room as a child
Participated in an SAT/ACT prep course
Had your own TV in your room in High School
Owned a mutual fund or IRA in High School or College
Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
Went on a cruise with your family
Went on more than one cruise with your family
Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family

15. A Generous Orthodoxy

2008-02-16T13:53:00.000-08:00

In this diagram, my largest concern is me, my soul, my personal destiny in heaven, my maturity, and my rewards. Occasionally, after 'winning' people based on personal self-interest, churches can entice people to care a little about the church--but is it any surprise that people 'won to Christ' by self-interst come to the church asking, 'What's in it for me?'

"Is it any surprise that with this understanding of salvation, churches tend to become gatherings of self-interested people who gather for mutual self-interest--constantly treating the church as a purveyor of religious goods and services, constantly shopping and 'trading up' for churches that can 'meet my needs' better? Is it any surprise that they have a mission to the world when most Christians equate 'personal salvation' of individual 'souls' with the ultimate aim of Jesus? Is it any wonder that people feel like victims of a bait and switch when they're lured with personal salvation and then hooked with church commitment and world mission?

"The following diagram shows a radically different alternative:

"In this diagram, Jesus comes with saving love for the world. He creates the church as a missional community to join him in his mission of saving the world. He invites me to be part of this community to experience his saving love and participate in it.

"This missional approach changes everything. In fact, I don't think I realize how much it changes yet because I'm still getting used to it.

"Among other things, it eliminates old dichotomies like 'evangelism' and 'social action.' Both are integrated in expressing saving love for the world. Those who want to become Christians (whether through our proclamation or demonstration), we welcome. Those who don't, we love and serve, joining God in seeking their good, their blessing, their shalom.

"This approach gets rid of distinctions like ministry (what we do in the church) and mission (what we do outside it), since ministry is for mission from the start. For example, I seek to develop virtues not just for my own benefit, but so I can inflict less damage and more blessing on the world. I seek to better understand Scripture not just for my own sake, but so I'll be better equipped to serve God and my neighbors.

"It also gets rid of terms like missionary and mission field, since now every Christian is a missionary and every place is a mission field.

"Perhaps most profound and yet most troublesome, it gets us beyond the us-them thinking and in-grouping and out-grouping that lead to prejudice, exclusion, and ultimately to religious wars. It opens up a third alternative beyond exclusive and universalist religion. Exclusive religion says, 'We're in, and you're out.' Good news for us, bad news for you. Understandably, universalist religion reacts and says, 'Everybody's in!' That's good news for everyone at first blush until you ask, 'Why is there so much injustice then? Why are so many sad, cruel, harassed, and helpless? If everybody's in--is this as good as it gets?' Saying that 'everybody's in' can too easily lead to complacency about injustice here and now and can create a kind of nice, relaxed, magnanimous apathy. This magnanimous apathy may be better than the narrow antipathy often associated with exclusive religion, but I think we need a better alternative.

"Missional Christian faith asserts that Jesus did not come to make some peope saved and others condemned. Jesus did not come to help some people be right while leaving everyone else to be wrong. Jesus did not come to create another exclusive religion--Judaism having been exclusive based on genetics, and Christianity being exclusive based on belief (which can be a tougher requirement than genetics!).

"Missional faith asserts that Jesus came to preach the good news to the kingdom of God to everyone, especially the poor. He came to seek and save the lost. He came on behalf of the sick. He came to save the world. His gospel and therefore the Christian message, is good news for the whole world.

"The idea that the Christian message is universally good news for Christians and non-Christians alike is, to some, unheard of, strange, and perhaps heretical. To me, it has become natural and obvious. Let me explain..."

14. Thoughts

2008-02-13T19:02:00.000-08:00

It takes 21 days to make a habit.

It only takes three to break one.

Oasis tonight:

Also, Joel 2:1-2, 12-17 --

-perhaps not so much a literal rending as an opening up to God's will
-Lent is the season of God "wooing" us and seeking to be in relationship with us

G & P!

13. Something to Chew On

2008-02-11T19:52:00.000-08:00

I was able to preach this sermon for my final preaching class (I believe it's more formally called "Lay Speakers Deliver Effective Sermons) as well as for the closing commitment service. I felt it went fairly well, but as always with speaking, it's a learning experience--learning myself and my own comfort zones (and how to get out of them) and learning how to be more in tune with God and the message He wants me to speak. I felt I was doing exactly what God wanted me to be doing at that moment, though, and speaking the words He wanted me to speak -- an emotional high to carry through the early week. I hope I never stop feeling this way after preaching.

INTRODUCTION TO SCRIPTURE: Paul writes these words to the people at Corinth. In a flourishing city of approximately 500,000 merchants, sailors, professional gamblers, athletes and freed slaves, the Corinthian Church became a melting pot of the microcosm of which it was a part. Paul writes to encourage them to continue to try to live in harmony and build on their common foundation, although their national, social, economic and religious backgrounds were very different. (paraphrased from Compact Bible Dictionary, written and compiled by Ronald F. Youngblood, F.F. Bruce & R.K. Harrison)

[Read 2 Corinthians 5:20b-6:10]

PRAYER: Heavenly Father, may the words of our mouths and the meditations of our hearts be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, you who is our rock and our redeemer. Amen

MEDITATION:

“Something to Chew On”

I.

I am the daughter of an amazing cook and baker. Just about anything my mother sets out to make turns out delicious. So, it’s only natural that I’ve grown up to countless questions of my own cooking abilities.

“Have you learned how to make your mom’s macaroni and cheese yet?”

“Oh, that pie was just delicious. What kind do you make?”

“Did you help your mother make this amazing soup?”

Well, I can tell you that I’ve set out more times than one to imitate her style—to create that rich, chocolate pudding or achieve the perfect consistency of broth in soup—but I look at her recipes and I see these cryptic directions (they may sound familiar to you)—“a pinch of salt,” “a sprinkle each of cinnamon and allspice”, “a few shakes of this and that.”

I stare transfixed at the page, wondering just how to measure a sprinkle or a shake. What if my “pinch” is bigger than my mom’s? What if it’s too small? I turn to my mother for clarification and usually receive another response you may find familiar, “Just do what feels right.”

Friends, I can tell you that I’ve had more flat cookies, crusty brownies, dry macaroni and cheese dishes, overcooked noodles and soupy rice than the rest. I’ve missed more cups of flour and sugar, more eggs. I’ve neglected to let my biscuits rise all the way. I’ve left the eggs out of pumpkin pie.

But, I can tell you that each time I have forgotten these things, I have learned how important it is that these ingredients are there. Each time I’ve overcooked pasta, I’ve learned just how to know when it’s the right time to take the heat off.

I still have this example I’m following, but I’m learning that in the absence of set recipes, I’m beginning to learn for myself how to create something new rather than simply follow what has already been done.

II.

Paul says, speaking to the Corinthians, “Here we are, then, speaking for Christ, as though God himself were making his appeal through us.” (2 Corinthians 5:20) We have this message to share, this “treasure in clay jars”, as we’ve heard before. ( 2 Corinthians 4:7). But God didn’t hand down the message typed in MLA format with 1-inch margins. God sent the commandments, yes. God sent the prophets. God even sent his son. We believe that God continues to speak through the Holy Spirit.

And yet, when Paul says again in the text, “This is the hour to receive God’s favor; today is the day to be saved!” I know that I begin to wonder, “Where is this message we’re supposed to give? What role do we have in all of this?”

I am just another speaker, another voice in the cacophony of others, but I believe that God is calling us to this: to stop waiting for an exact recipe, perhaps to stop trying to pass on a recipe of leadership to the next leaders following us. If God was our mothers, he would tell us to stop trying so hard to determine what the right sized sprinkle or pinch is and just do what feels right.

Just do what feels right? I can hear it now, “But that would be too hard. We need guidelines. We need order. We can’t just have chaos...and if we just do what “feels right” ...we might just come up with something NEW.”

Are you hearing what I’m hearing?

Friends, we will never be without guidelines and order. The last time I checked, we still had this book. (hold up Bible) I’m going to guess that those of you seated here today have seen this before.

Our challenge is to make this book come alive for those around us. Are we up to the challenge?

III.

In her book, Mudhouse Sabbath, Lauren F. Winner captures the words of a sixth century theologian, Julianus Pomerius, encouraging readers to break a fast and “unbend one’s self” in order to practice hospitality. She shares later, “I understand why he had spoken of hospitality as unbending one’s self. The irony is that the unbending requires inviting my neighbors into the very places where I am most bent.” (pp. 46 and 53)

IV.

I know that if I wait until any place I live is “clean enough” for visitors, I’m going to be waiting a long time. I know too, and perhaps more importantly, that if I’m waiting for perfection before I allow people into the “bent” and just plain rusted areas of my life, I’m going to be waiting a long while. In fact, I just might not have to do it at all!

In allowing people into the imperfect areas of our lives, we allow two things. First, we allow that they may see that leadership and ministry is not about perfection. And, seeing imperfect leaders, they may see where they are able to lead too.

Second, when we allow people to see our faults, we are opening ourselves up to those same areas that need change. Where do we need reconciliation? Where might we need comfort?

When we allow this honesty, we open ourselves up for God’s help.

V.

A pastor tells of his own encounter with the need for this reconciliation. In preparing for Ash Wednesday, his church had entered into a rigorous debate regarding the imposition of ashes at the Ash Wednesday service.

“Some people in the congregation argued against the practice claiming that it could promote holier-than-thou attitudes amongst the faithfully smudged. Others worried that the aftermath of the ritual would look a bit too much like a public display of piety the kind that the Gospel of Matthew cautions us about. Objecting, still others claimed that they found it to be a powerful way to grapple with mortality, to participate in a sign of humility, to mark the beginning of Lent.

“What was Ash Wednesday, after all, without some soot on one's brow? Attempting to mediate, the pastor suggested a compromise. Set it up, he declared, so that individuals could decide. If people wanted ashes, they could mark themselves.

“So when it came time for the service, a liturgy which also included the Lord's Supper, the pastor stood and explained that worshippers were to come forward for the sacrament. First they would receive the wafer—‘Body of Christ.’ Next they would receive the wine—‘Blood of Christ.’ Then, the pastor gestured to an elder who was standing there holding a small saucer of ashes. If the worshippers so desired, they could self-impose ashes. So, the people stood and came. . . Decently and in order, except for one small problem, the pastor had failed to explain the meaning of a key liturgical term ‘impose.’

“He came to this realization when the first man to approach received a wafer, dipped it in wine, then turned, and dunked his sodden disk in the plate of ashes, before eating it.

“So startled was the congregation by this strange act of penitence that they were compelled to rethink their liturgy. . . Never again, remarked the pastor, will I suggest that people ‘self-impose.’ But, I wonder, as unpalatable as it might seem, if this man in tasting and swallowing ashes might actually be telling us something important about this day and this season.

“So many of us, still think of Lent as a time to give something up, a season to deny ourselves chocolate for forty days. . . as if that will somehow cultivate spiritual maturity. In eating ashes, this man may provide us with a different perspective on Lent. . . Perhaps it is not a season to give up common pleasures. Perhaps it is a time for us chew on our mortality.” (http://home.netcom.com/~jealsup/ash6e.html)

VI.

The reteller of the story continues with an explanation that “For Paul, righteousness is a human possibility.” Though we may be faced with denial and a knowledge that “we will all, eventually, fall down,” the apostle Paul “pushes us to attempt reconciling acts and rest affirmed in the integrity of God. All this because we have been marked. Not by a sign that we can put on ourselves, for really we cannot self-impose our identity.”

“So we mark each other here not merely with a thumbprint of grit hoping to commemorate our mortality, but we smear a cross on each other's foreheads to remind us that we are marked by another.

“The one who marks us all that we might no longer be slaves to mortality, but free to be God's righteousness in this world.” (see above source)

VII.

So marked, where does our hesitation lie? The wall has been beaten down. If we are no longer bound by our mortality and sin, then we have free reign to answer God’s calling on our lives.

VIII.

I would like to share The Message translation of this passage with you which shares a direct plea from Paul to the church at Corinth. Perhaps it will help to have it in contemporary language.

He writes,

“Companions as we are in this work with you, we beg you, please don’t squander one bit of this marvelous life God has given us. God reminds us, “I heard your call in the nick of time; The day you needed me, I was there to help.” Well, now is the right time to listen, the day to be helped. Don’t put it off; don’t frustrate God’s work by showing up late, throwing a question mark over everything we’re doing. Our work as God’s servants gets validated—or not—in the details. People are watching us as we stay at our post, alertly, unswervingly...in hard times, tough times, bad times; when we’re beaten up, jailed, and mobbed; working hard, working late, working without eating; with pure heart, clear head, steady hand; in gentleness, holiness, and honest love; when we’re telling the truth, and when God’s showing his power; when we’re doing our best setting things right; when we’re praised, and when we’re blamed; slandered, and honored; true to our word, though distrusted; ignored by the world, but recognized by God; terrifically alive, though rumored to be dead; beaten within an inch of our lives, but refusing to die; immersed in tears, yet always filled with deep joy; living on handouts, yet enriching many, having nothing, having it all.

“Dear, dear Corinthians, I can’t tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. We didn’t fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren’t small, but you’re living them in a small way. I’m speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection. Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively!”

IX.

Are we ready?
Are we ready to open up our lives and live fully in “this wide-open, spacious life”?
God is calling, “Are we ready?”
I know I am.
Are you?

Amen

12. The things that keep me up at night

2008-01-03T17:27:00.001-08:00

My Closet:

Old Navy
"Made for you in Cambodia"

Aeropostale
"Made in Pakistan"

The Gap
"Made in Vietnam"

Express
"Made in Hong Kong"

The Gap
"Made in Turkey"

The Gap
"Made in India"

The Gap
"Made in Philippines"

The Gap
"Made in Northern Mariana Islands"

Old Navy
"Made in El Salvador"

Alia
(bought at Goodwill--does second-hand labor abuse make it any less?)
"Made in Indonesia"

The list goes on, and I struggle to find anything made in the United States.

Watch this

It begs the question--how do we erase the contradiction between our faithful beliefs in serving the poor when our clothes remind us that we continually let the poor serve us?

G&P

11. Morning To-Do

2007-12-20T06:17:00.000-08:00

DONE French essay: 200-250
Journalism stories: two
DONE Ice cream scoops: check

DONE ICONS--read and review

DONE Call Kathleen regarding music practice for Saturday Christmas Pageant Rehearsal
DONE Learn Angel lines; try to be angelic
DONE Brainstorm for Saturday Youth Party
DONE Bake something Belgian chocolate-related for WHATW
Vacuum
Take down trash
DONE Bake, wrap, write, assemble, etc: friends' gifts for final pre-break day

DONE Visit Grandpa over at Cov. Michigan

Order senior pictures
Confirmands' Rally emails--really now, get on the ball
Kingdom Assigment brainstorming, continued
maybe Albion Scholars information
maybe knitting
maybe PDI
maybe CP
maybe

wrapping, baking, misc. Christmas preparations

10. Reflections on Three Kings

2007-12-19T21:00:00.000-08:00

As I was leading our church's contemporary service tonight and we read through the Christmas story, I half-hatched a reflection on the story of the Wise Men, a story I'd never really given much attention to before.

1 In the time of King Herod, after Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea, wise men from the East came to Jerusalem, 2 asking, "Where is the child who has been born king of the Jews? For we observed his star at its rising, and have come to pay him homage." 3 When King Herod heard this, he was frightened, and all Jerusalem with him; 4 and calling together all the chief priests and scribes of the people, he inquired of them when the Messiah was to be born. 5 They told him, "In Bethlehem of Judea; for so it has been written by the profit:
6 "And you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah,
are by no means least among the rulers of Judah;
for from you shall come a ruler who is to shepherd my people Israel."
7 Then Herod secretly called for the wise men and learned from them the exact time when the star had appeared. 8 Then he sent them to Bethlehem, saying, "Go and search diligently for the child; and when you have found him, bring me word so that I may also go and pay him homage." 9 When they had heard the king, they set out; and there, ahead of them, went the star that they had seen at its rising, until it stopped over the place where the child was. 10 When they saw that the star had stopped, they were overwhelmed with joy. 11 On entering the house, they saw the child with Mary his mother; and they knelt down and paid him homage. Then, opening their treasure chests, they offered him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. 12 And having been warned in a dream not to return to Herod, they left for their own country by another road.
-Matthew 2:1-12

We are well aware of the conflict in this story. Yet, we allow it to stay hidden underneath the main narrative of the three kings' homage to Jesus as they come to praise and rejoice at his side. The Herod narrative is still very present underneath though.

Similarly, we come to worship to rejoice, often taking our own long path to get there--hurrying to get a quick dinner on the table for evening services, wrestling children into clothes or running quick errands for morning services, pushing aside other to-dos to get there on time. But as we come to praise and rejoice in God's presence, we come with our own conflicts and turmoil "brewing" underneath, distracting us even when our main purpose for being present is clear.

Similarly again we know we cannot stay at Jesus' side forever, and we must eventually choose which path to take away from this holy place.

As the kings left, "they left for their own country by another road" or in other versions, " they returned home by a different road" knowing that to go the same way they had come spelled disaster.

As we leave the holy place of our churches, are we called to return home by a different road than we came?

9. Not Buying It

2007-12-11T18:31:00.000-08:00

I just finished Not Buying It by Judith Levine. It is an extremely well-written and subtly thought-provoking book. She and her husband gave up shopping for a year except for "necessities". The book raises a lot of questions, but in a quiet way. Levine doesn't shout the message but rather narrates it.

Here's an excerpt that you don't have to ski to be able to relate to:

"February 26

Another ski-related trouble offers another clue about consumption.

Paul [Levine's husband]has meetings in Montpelier today. He gets up early and before leaving removes my skis from his car and puts them into mine, so I can go out when I'm finished working. Then he drives off with the wax kit in his car.

At two, I am ready to get up from my desk. I put on my ski clothes, warm up the car. Soon, I'm on my way to the Craftsbury Sports Center, widely regarded as the best place for cross-country skiing in the Northeast, and I'm psyched. Halfway there, this time with my good waxable skis, it occurs to me that I didn't see the wax kit in the back of the car. I pull to the side of the road, open the hatchback, riffle through the bag. I'm right. I get behind the wheel again. Traversing some of the most breathtaking landscape in the northeastern United States, I am locked in a windowless cell of anxiety.

Here's what I'm worried about: "I'm going to have to beg a few swipes of wax from the guy in the warming hut. 'Can I borrow...' 'May I have...' 'You see, Paul drove away with...' 'I'm doing this project and...' I devise various strategies, compose and rehearse appropriate lines. I don't want to sound too demanding, but I don't want to be too nonchalant, either. A note of apology might be appropriate, but abjectness is over the top. Basically, I want to ask for help in such a way as to prevent anyone from noticing I'm asking.

I shouldn't fret. The people who work at hte center are friendly. I ski practically every day; they know me. But I am fretting. They are friendly, they know me, but that doesn't mean they are my friends. They are employees of business, and I am a customer. Customers buy things. It's unfair to ask them to break the rules for me, a friendly person they know, who is not really a friend. The twenty-five-minute trip takes about twenty-five hours. Every one hundred yards I consider turning around and going back home.

This feeling throws me back twenty-five years, to my late twenties. I had come out of college with a $5,000 government-guaranteed National Defense Student Loan and was advised by numerous friends adn former NDSL recipients that no one had ever paid back one of those loans. For two years I didn't. Then Ronald Reagan was elected and sold the debt to Citibank. The bank promptly jacked the interest to the going rate and got serious about collecting, but try as they did, they couldn't manage to collect from me. This was the era before credit companies discovdered that bad debtors are (for the companies' profits) good debtors. Until I paid off the loan and gave the banks a decent interval to reconsider me for a credit card, I could not buy a plane ticket, rent a car, reserve a hotel room, or purchase a winter coat without greenbacks on the counter. I had few greenbacks, so I bought almost nothing. On the rare occasion I traveled, I slept on couches and got around by thumb.

On one such trip, to California in 1975, as I stood on a roadside outside Los Angeles, a motorist informed me of the rung on the American social hierarchy where my credit-unworthy ass had landed. He slowed down as he came close to me. I thought he was going to pick me up. Instead he rolled down his window and practically spat. "Hey, you!" Why don't you get your own goddamn car?"

Approaching the hut at the ski center, I am again my hitchhiking, pad-crashing, cash-economy self, about to rely on the kindness of strangers--or collide with their unkindness. And then I realize it's not ski wax that I want, not even the convenience of having the ski wax ready to use.

What I want is autonomy, the sine qua non of Western commerical citizenship. To be creditworthy is to be worthy of respect. To buy is to be an adult. A person without money is a child, and all children are beggars.

What to do now? My friend Debbie, an editor, has recommended staying undercover, employing a 'don't buy, don't tell' policy. 'If you're a journalist writing about homelessness and you dress in rags and don't bathe for a week but tell everyone "I'm writing about the homeless," people will treat you like a journalist.' When Paul and I tell our friends that we are not going out to dinner because of our yearlong project, they congratulate us. 'If you dress in rags and don't bathe and keep your mouth shut,' Debbie continued, 'people will treat you like a homeless person. You might learn a little about what it's like to be homeless.'

Inside the hut, a hot fire burning. Business is slow and Nick is alone behind the counter. Though an agressive racer, off the trail this lanky young Buddhist woudl be flat on the floor were he any more laid back. His demeanor gives me courage. 'Um, could I borrow a little blue wax, just a few swipes?' I ask, assuming the identity of a person who has arrived at a ski center without ski wax and without money.

Nick smiles. 'Borrow it? You can have it.' He takes the ski, bites the plastic cap off a stick of wax, and starts applying it himself.

As I glide down the long hill at the start of Ruthie's Run, I realize that while envy may mobilize consumer desire, it's not the things other people have that one necessarily envies. I mean, how many people actually like Rolex watches? What we want from things is what we want from other people, and from ourselves--whatever it is we want. I want to be a strong, competent athlete, one of the atletic crowd...

Not buying it has forced Paul and me to feel vulnerable and to ask for help, an almost un-American behavior. But the ability to ask for help might be a good skill to cultivate. Today I asked, and got service and a smile. As I ski up the next long hill, I tell myself that what I need is some non-consumer confidence."

From later in the year: "I want something that religions offer in abundance: the permission to desire wildly, to want the biggest stuff--communion, transcendence, joy, and a freedom that has nothing to do with a choice of checking accounts or E-Z access to anything."

8. Schoolwork

2007-12-11T18:30:00.000-08:00

Two essays written for school assignments that I came across...nothing profound but they echo some of my recent sentiments.

1. Assignment: to choose a position on the legality of DDT and write a paper from that point of view.

When my village discontinued the use of DDT for disease control, my son contracted malaria and died. There is nothing, absolutely nothing to bring a man closer to social justice than to have it affect him personally. Dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane, commonly known as DDT was first synthesized in 1874 but wasn't discovered as a highly effective insecticide until 1935.Capable of killing hundreds of kinds of insects in one application, DDT was widely used during World War II for crop protection and the eradication of malaria. After environmental concerns began to be introduced, it was banned in the United States in 1972. More and more countries are taking on this view. How can we support a worldwide ban of DDT when it provides the only current solution to our children dying at the hands of malaria? We must make better use of current knowledge and technology at hand to overcome the hurdle malaria presents to future progress worldwide.

Malaria thrives in social crisis, weak health systems, and impoverished villages. It is the leading problem here in sub-Saharan Africa, where about 550 million people are at risk of malaria. Five percent of children are likely to die of malaria-related illness before the age of five. Out of one million deaths worldwide, ninety percent of these deaths occur in sub-Saharan Africa. Much effort has been taken to eradicate the disease in other nations. By contrast, little has been put into controlling the malaria situation here. One of the main reasons is that malaria eradication requires a comprehensive approach. While chloroquine was once the main drug used, the discovery of new antimalarials is not keeping pace.

The most effective treatment discovered to date is the spraying of DDT on house walls to prevent malaria transmission. This method attacks the mosquito vectors of malaria where they contact the human host. One survey showing data analysis from 1993to 1995 showed that countries that have recently discontinued their spray problems have reported large increases in malaria infection. Ecuador, after increasing their use of DDT, saw a 61% reduction in malaria rates. This treatment is also cost-effective. Affected families spend $2 to $25 on malaria treatment along with between $0.20 and $15 on prevention. Is this to be the price when we earn less than $1 a day? Treatment costs for rural families are often as high as 13%. Many of us are simply too poor to pay for ample protection if we abandon DDT for malaria control.
Additionally, high costs and a decrease in foreign aid make it impossible for many countries to switch to DDT alternatives. One common treatment, malathion, is proven to be five times more expensive than DDT. Mefloquine is newly available and highly effective against multi-resistant strains, but is expensive and may cost five to ten times more than malathion. This means, twenty-five to fifty times more than DDT spraying. Investment in vaccine development has a high chance of success and is likely to be hugely cost-effective, but it may take fifteen years to develop this vaccine. We need an answer now, and that answer remains to DDT. Someone once said, don't throw away your paper just because you dreamed a computer. Namely, don't get rid of the old stand-by that has proven effective time and time again when the idea for something better is still in your head.

Bans and environmental concerns continue to be the number one argument against DDT spraying. When used on fields, exposure to the environment can cause thinning of bird eggshells, sterility in animals, and reduced fetal weights. Bats are particularly sensitive to its use as a pesticide. Yet it must be made clear that this proposal is not to continue its use as a pesticide. The only practical use of DDT is in malaria prevention. North, Central, and South American countries used 1, 172, 077 kilograms of DDT to spray house walls in 1993. While sounding like a large amount of insecticide, this represents less than 6% of the DDT levels used in the United States in 1968 alone. The level of treatment to spray the entire country of Guyana, covering approximately 215, 000 km², is roughly equal to the amount of DDT once used to spray only 4km² of cotton. When used in houses, it has no effect on animals outside the house and it has an extremely slow accumulation in humans so as to be virtually harmless. In fact, it is less harmful than caffeine, and as a carcinogen, there is only a 0.0008 chance of cancer. It must remain firm that DDT should be produced and distributed only for governmental use in malaria control.
When faced with a solution, we must act. Malaria in school-children reduces the effectiveness of their education as a major cause of absenteeism. In cities, it drives away potential opportunity by making some zones unsuitable for habitation. Malaria affects tourism in countries where the risk is high of contracting the disease. Therefore, malaria may thus be a cause, and not simply a consequence, of underdevelopment and poverty.

This problem affects us worldwide. Malaria is not just "over there" in Africa. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention released that although malaria was eradicated in the United States in the early 1950s, there were 1,337 cases of malaria (including eight deaths) reported for the United States in 2002. This problem continues into a new millennium even fifty years after a discovered solution.
Malaria was directly responsible for five childhood deaths in Africa this past year. Thousands of other children died from illnesses brought on by malaria—respiratory infections, diarrhea, and malnutrition. When these children are my children, are my neighbor's children, this number is too high. Wrote one authority in 1955, "This is the DDT era of malariology. For the first time it is economically feasible for nations, however undeveloped and whatever the climate, to banish malaria completely from their borders." It has been fifty years and still we struggle.

To reference two old African proverbs, "If you don't stand for something, you will fall for something. Let us not look to where we have fallen, but to where we have slipped." We have come partway, eradicating the disease in many countries and treating it in our villages, but let us run full force to the problem and defeat it. Support initiatives are already in place. We need a multi-faceted approach to malaria eradication in Africa, and worldwide. It has been too long to ignore the suffering of 300 million clinical cases. Every movement must begin with a first step forward and so, let us move ahead with a common goal, working together to oppose the worldwide ban of DDT.

Assignment two: A five to seven-minute oratory on topic of students' choosing

In 1986, the Supreme Court’s ruling in the case Plessy v. Ferguson created the infamous standard “separate but equal.” Over 100 years later, we’ve dissociated this phrase from racial inequality in schools and public places, but still it persists with greater magnitude for the standards we set for low-income students in our schools. The present inequalities in our American education system are unacceptable, particularly in light of legislation such as No Child Left Behind that masks the problem rather than seeking a sustainable solution.

So what is the problem? For over forty years, Jonathan Kozol has studied unequal education standards. In his book Savage Inequalities, he states, “On an average morning in Chicago, 5700 children in 190 classrooms come to school to find they have no teacher.” (Kozol, p. 52) Many teachers, feeling that they are making no progress in their classrooms, come in only three days a week, arriving late on the mornings they do come in. The number of substitute teachers is not great enough to fill the void left by the missing teachers. “On the top floor of a New York elementary school [formerly a roller rink] a sixth-grade [class] of thirty children shares a room with 29 bilingual second graders. Because of the high class size there is an assistant with each teacher. This means that 59 children and four grown-ups—63 in all—must share a room that, in a suburban school, would hold no more than twenty children and one teacher.” (Kozol, p. 87)

Children in low-income schools have inadequate materials for learning. Unless their teachers are willing to purchase supplies out of their own pockets, students go without updated textbooks and resource materials. Students’ science labs are particularly inadequate. Many are without lab tables or sinks, and they are forced to perform experiments that have inaccurate results due to poor materials. For instance, Kozol watches as students drop water into glasses to observe wave patterns. The experiment calls for a saucer with a wide circumference, but as a cost-saving measure the school system has bought them cheap plastic cocktail glasses. The waves can’t form, and the students are right in their observation of a “small splash.” Still, the teacher persists in the original lesson plan. (Kozol, p. 139)

A student in Washington D.C., when asked what one improvement she would give to the school, replies that she would purchase blue curtains because everything else in the cinderblock school would look less gray and dismal with a little blue. (Kozol, p. 181) A mother in the neighborhood describes the effect on the children. “My children know very well the system is unfair.... They see it on TV, and in advertisements, and in the movies. They see the president in his place in Maine, riding around the harbor in his motorboat and playing golf with other wealthy men. They know that men like these did not come out of schools in Roxbury or Harlem.... When you tell them that the government can’t find the money to provide them with a decent place to go to school, they don’t believe it and they know that it’s a choice that has been made—a choice about how much they matter to society. They see it as a message: ‘This is to tell you that you don’t much matter. You are ugly to us so we crowd you into ugly places. You are dirty so it will not hurt to pack you into dirty places.’” (Kozol, p. 179)

As a society, we naturally form into groups—by location, socioeconomic status, background, religion, ethnicity. We group to belong and lift those up we feel the strongest connection with. When it comes to our schools we are no different. We want the best for our children and the children closest to us. We want the best schools, teachers and resources for them, and we should, but we also start to feel that these things we have are a type of inheritance, something we’ve earned to keep for ourselves. It’s not that we don’t care about children stuck in inadequate schools, it’s that we don’t want overcrowding and lower standards for our own children. Right?

Our government has developed its own solution. No Child Left Behind (NCLB) legislation was created in 2002 with one objective: “to have all children at or above grade level by 2014.” (United States Department of Education) More recently, President Bush and the Department of Education have worked to reauthorize the legislation. However, three glaring deficits still remain. First, our children are not numbers. The NCLB emphasis is placed on standardized test scores for all grade levels, particularly those in grades 3-8. In released publicity for NCLB’s reauthorization, Secretary Margaret Spellings consistently repeats the idea of improving individual growth models. This is good, however, what is better is finding a way to present children who don’t test well. For children already too far behind, teachers are forced to simply teach them the test in order to receive adequate school funding for the following school year. Children are no longer learning how to think, only how to accept spoon-fed information.

Second, we need the personal stories in our government’s publicity of success. In twelve videos posted on the Department’s site as success stories, not a single one showed a child addressed. Children were shown working, but it was teachers and experts who were asked to report on their success. Only the children will know the true effect improved education in the classroom has had them.
Third, Spellings repeats the statistic again and again that half of African and American and Hispanic students don’t graduate from high school. The problem of unequal education is not just black and white. It’s not just a race problem anymore, and by making it so, we’re pigeonholing those affected. We’re adding to the problem’s cycle. We are looking at diversity and equality for those of all economic levels, not simply those of minority races. The use of the term minority to refer to race is overused in a country that prides itself in diversity. We are a country of minorities, both racial and otherwise. Thus, we need to address resourcing for the education of people of all income levels.

A Century Foundation initiative, Equality and Education, pushes for the integration of schools to form more middle-income schools. This is not entirely unreasonable as statistics show that middle-income students are the majority. Education is most effective in the presence of dedicated teachers, parent involvement, and students who care and know they have the ability to succeed. Does it make more sense that the government who pour more money into a few schools or integrate schools so that the widest pool of resources can be given to the vast majority of students? We learn from a young age that the hardest thing is often the best thing to do. Somehow that idea doesn’t carry over to our government. It is both possible and desirable that the human resources given to middle- and high-income students be shared with low-income students.

It is best that integration begin at the earliest age possible. “If [the government] had first given Head Start to our children and pre-kindergarten, and materials and classes of 15 or 18 children in the elementary grades, and computers and attractive buildings and enough books and supplies and teachers salaries sufficient to compete with the suburban schools, and then come in a few years later with their tests and test-demands, it might have been fair play. Instead, they leave us as we are, separate and unequal, underfunded, with large classes, and with virtually no Head Start and they think tat they can test our children into a mechanical proficiency.” (Kozol, p. 143)

Equal education advocates frequently use the metaphor of an uneven playing field. “Unlike a tainted sports event, however, a childhood cannot be played again. We are children only once; and, after those few years are gone, there is no second chance to make amends. In this respect, the consequences of unequal education have a terrible finality. Those who are denied cannot be “made whole” by a later act of government.” (Kozol, 1980)

Grace & Peace!

7. Confessions

2007-12-11T18:15:00.000-08:00

I have not been keeping up with this blog. I often think of it and what to post next, but these posts are rarely realized when I sit down at the computer.

With several left to buy for (or for most, I need to buy something small in order to make their present) I'm dangerously close to the $100 limit I set for myself.

With the exception of clearing out my shorts/pants drawer and making a pile for donation, I haven't been following my goal of one thing a day either.

I'm no closer to realizing my K.A. goal.

I'm not particularly ready for Advent or Christmas.

However, "this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead." (Philippians 3:13b)

I'm attempting grace. I'm attempting a fuller mentality of abundace. I'm making the time for family (We've spent every night this week with my grandpa with a scare in the hospital.)

Merciful God,
we confess that we have not love you with our whole heart.
We have failed to be an obedient church.
We have not done your will,
we have broken your law,
we have rebelled against your love,
we have not loved our neighbors,
and we have not heard the cry of the needy.
Forgive us, we pray.
Free us for joyful obedience,
through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
-UMH, p. 12, A Service of Word and Table II

But this one thing I do strive for. I try, and I don't stop at it either.

Grace & Peace!

6. Lost in Translation

2007-11-28T21:06:00.000-08:00

This is one of the questions of the more random variety. Which word do you use to convey love for God, or for that matter, love from God, in Spanish?

Gustar conveys like, but above that, conveys that which is pleasing to someone. For example, "A ella, le gusta helado." translates as "To her, ice cream is pleasing."

Amar, most commonly translates to love. "La madre les ama a sus hijos." translates as "The mother loves her sons, or, her children."

Querer expresses want and desire in the context of love. "El chico la quiere." = "The boy wanted her."*

Encantar: to be enchanted with--My favorite in this context. "Ella le encanta Dios." "She is enchanted with God." This one almost necessitates the definition of "enchanted" in English also. enchant(v): "To attract; to delight; to entrance"

*Although each has its own connotation, and may not practically be translated as I see them here (for instance, "querer" often has a connotation of lust) they all, at least in my understanding of their translation, show a very different characteristic of our relationship with God that brings a fullness to that relationship not as clearly illustrated with our one word.

Reminder to self: Use them all, frequently.

It keeps coming back to me also that there are nine words for "worship" in Hebrew, and only one in our English-translated Bibles. No wonder how services often lack the depth of those at the synagogue.

How can we, how can I, reclaim what is lost in translation?

G&P!

5. Comic Wisdom

2007-11-28T20:56:00.000-08:00

Think about it.

G&P!

4. Short thoughts

2007-11-28T20:53:00.000-08:00

"Indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. So don not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today." -Matthew 6:32b-34

Less time on me. More time on God. Got it...

Grace & Peace!

3. Ruminations on Psalm 122

2007-11-28T19:59:00.000-08:00

Trying to catch up on some of the thoughts I've been meaning to blog on over the past week or so!

1I was glad when they said to me,
"Let us go to the house of the LORD!"
2Our feet are standing within your gates,
O Jerusalem.
3Jerusalem-built as a city that is bound firmly
together.
4To it the tribes go up,
the tribes of the LORD,
as was decreed for Israel,
to give htanks to the name
of the LORD.
5For there the thrones for judgment were set up,
the thrones of the house of David.
6Pray for the peace of Jerusalem:
"May they prosper who love you.
7Peace be within your walls,
and security within your towers."
8For the sake of my relatives and friends I will say,
"Peace be within you."
9For the sake of the house of the LORD our God,
I will seek your good.

We spent worship tonight reflecting on this passage.
What does it mean to have peace in the midst of war and violence? What does it mean to be a source of peace in this midst?

I'm trying to compile my thoughts while mine and those of some others in discussion are still fresh:

There must be a clear distinction that peace is defined by and through experience. The back of the bulletin tonight had a quote from the UNESCO Constitution in
1945, "Since wars began in the [human] mind, it is in the [human] mind that the defenses of peace must be constructed."

This "invention" of ours--this continual fight over property, over land and a hand in the abundance--enough for everyone if we could just take the time to share it rather than hoarding it--if we could stall the progress of this invention, than we may have a hand in stopping it.

But as it was experience by experience that built it up, to be an acceptable regime to live under, it is experience by experience that must break it down again. Someone else mentioned in discussion that those living in war-torn countries don't know what to do when war stops--because it's all they've lived with, and so they often begin another war in the first's place, or another conflict. We live in a world where war and violence have become acceptable. There is no longer any shock in hearing our nations (or even our one nation "under God") are at war--are engaged in constant conflict with their brothers and sisters.

Experience. Shane Claibourne, and I come back to him again and again as his book is so full of living a life for God in the small, tangible experiences, shares the story of his trip to Iraq. He and a small group of friends traveled to the Middle East in the middle of conflict with no clear agenda other than to show God's love to the people of Iraq--wowing in itself. While there, they were traveling through a desert riddled with landmines and I believe that it was one exploding that sent one of the cars in their caravan into a ditch. A few passengers were badly injured, and as they tried to determine how to get them help, a car full of Iraqis happened to be driving by. It was the Good Samaritan experience. Those in the car helped the Shane and the other travelers to the nearby town to get to the hospital for treatment and gave them a place to stay and rest in their home.

They turned to Shane, knowing his mission there, and thanked him--saying (and I guess, having returned the book to the next reader at the library) "I know you serve a God of peace. I have great faith in such a God, and I hope you will work to spread the knowledge of such a God to those in your country, because we serve the same God here in Iraq and we do not know either why we are in this war."

And all I can do is sit back in awe. Mother Theresa lived her words, "We are not called to do great things but to do small things with great love." I think all of us in mind of peace seek to do these things, and want to do them. If someone were to turn to us for help, we would gladly give it, but when we do not know the "things to do" because so many crowd our attention until we are numb, and we fall back into a routine of the daily things that need to be done.

An image I often use with Wesley's theology of perfection in love and sanctifying grace is that of a young child. As children try on the clothes of their parents, baggy and ill-fitting, and look in the mirror in awe and trying to understand how they might possibly ever grow up to look or act or be like their parents...so we too look at God. We stare in the mirror with our greatest parent, God our Father, standing behind us with his hand on our shoulder and we look at our ill-fitting clothes and wonder how we will ever fill them out to be anything like our God, but through the nurture we receive from Him, and from others, we continue to grow. We continue to inadvertently grow into the love we were first shown. Two important distinctions exist here. First, a child never grows up to be identical to the parent. They share common characteristics but the child is an individual and rightly so. Their independent decisions will shape them in ways separate from the experiences of their parents. And second, because of these separate gifts and graces, a child never truly fills those same shoes they tottered in in childhood. We will never truly be perfect in love as our God is, but we continue on the path to meet that goal.

The Chicago Temple--tallest church in the world and United Methodist to boot--has two sanctuaries. One is at ground level, and the second (separated from the first by levels of law and business offices as the church is located literally in the middle of one of Chicago's busiest business sections of towns--right by State Street shopping) is at the level of a skyscraper--"the sky-high chapel." An image on the altar of the ground level sanctuary shows the scene of Jesus weeping over Jerusalem and wanting peace for his people. The chapel shows the scene again, this time with Jesus weeping over Chicago. The pastor shared the church's intention to show that Jesus weeps for the peace, truly, for all his people. Jerusalem represents the center we return to, the central conviction of our search for peace.

As Jesus weeps, we cry too. And we try to do our part.

Pastor Weatherly shared the words of a professor who told his class that "The Fall was the greatest thing that happened to humanity, because without it, we would never have had any cause to seek salvation." Because we have fallen, and our brothers and sisters have fallen with us, we continue to seek salvation. We continue to seek peace.

For myself, this means taking off the blinders and taking a good look around me. I turn first to prayer.

Grace & peace, to any who may happen upon this, in the name of our risen savior and perfector in faith, Jesus Christ. :)

2. A mentality of abundance

2007-11-22T10:57:00.000-08:00

Case 1: A mentality of scarcity
-A man hoards his possessions, and continues to hoard, afraid that something will happen rendering him helpless. In the meantime, he loses his relationships because the money for presents goes to more possessions and more importantly, the time for the development of relationships goes into a feeling of need for time alone.
-A mother wants the best for her children. She wants the best schools with the best teachers and best resources. What she wants is not wrong. However, when a millage comes up for inter-district busing so that lower-income students may attend her child's new school, she votes no because she's afraid that what her child has will be lost if it is shared among too many.
-Studies, as well as common knowledge, show that our world has more than enough food and clean water for everyone. Yet, billions are spent on territory disputes and very few are spent on distribution.
What others are on your mind?

Case 2: A mentality of abundance
-A man comes home from work exhausted and wanting to go immediately to bed. His child asks him for help with his homework, and he considers saying no, but he said no the night before. He decides to help and becomes far more awake in the process. The memory will stick longer than the short rest he may have received.
-A mother and grandmother works sixty-hour work weeks to buy small gifts for family members and friends, often small cards for holidays. She comes home every night exhausted and ready for a massage, but never ceases to shriek in response to new pregnancies, marriages, births, acceptances, promotions, discoveries, etc. of family and friends--in fact, she seeks them out. She maintains relationships. She finds the time for gatherings.
-A small church raises more than $2000 for hunger solution ministries.
How does this mentality present a challenge as well as strengthen your approach to ministry?

Phew. I'm ready for Case 2. Sign me uuuuuuup!

KA Ideas to Research:

a)Hispanic Ministry-in-state or Texas
b)Something Simple-Way-esque
c)Honduras or Guatemala-hunger ministry mission
d)And the thoughts continue...

Grace & Peace!

1. "Live simply so that others may simply live"

2007-11-20T18:39:00.001-08:00

How many times have I heard this? How many times have I made a commitment to myself that I will not overspend, that I will not committ to the consumer economy, that I will not buy more things? But I do, and we all do, because even where our personal commitment lives on, other continue in the familiarity of our consumer-based world, and we're drawn back in.

I'll start simple. Even as the mood strikes, it is impractical to pack up all my things, donate them and live as John Wesley did with two changes of clothing and little else--and obviously he wasn't the first if any focus is given to saint and prophets, and before them, Jesus, and before him, the Old Testament patriarchs. For one thing, people would say I stunk. For another, it's my senior year. For yet another, no one would let me. (Get where I'm going here?)

Starting with this next week, I'll set aside or dispose of one thing a day. I may throw away a folder of papers I haven't glanced at in years or set aside clothes for Goodwill that no longer fit, nor likely will again, or set aside a gift that I have never used to give to a friend who many not only have use of it but for whom it truly would be a gift.

It's a simplifying process, one thing at a time.

My second response is to a consumer-driven Christmas. It will not win the peace of my Advent this year. $100. That's all I will spend. I have finally come to the realization that I'll be hard-pressed to change others who may buy me gifts but I can change the gifts I give and the time I put into them. I can break out the knitting needles and learn how to knit a scarf without holes. I can break out the rolling pin and make tins of baked goods for the family. I can create something meaningful and long-lasting for the children of the family--or buy them books that last.

This will not be a Christmas that produces a pile of unworn clothes, broken toys and meaningless gifts. The time I put into the season will NOT consist of staring into shop windows and wondering when the hole in my wallet first appeared.

I will be careful with the resources God has given me and generous with their fruits. I will not feel guilty. This will not be another dead resolution.

One thing. One place to start.

Grace & Peace!

One Thing

2007-11-20T18:21:00.000-08:00

This is an idea that first came to me in response to an emerging idea throughout Shane Claibourne's Irresistible Revolution of the "one thing" we do each day, the "one thing" each moment should be centered on--our relationship with God--and how the rest of our lives should center on this.

I put this idea away for awhile and came back to it in response to a Candidacy session centering around grace and our personal responses through devotions and spiritual formation (titled "Grace: Spiritual Formation through Inner Disciplines").

The other focus bringing me to this exercise is a Kingdom Assignment through our local church. I have $100 to spend in God's ministry, no specifications other than that I must report back to the congregation. In my struggle to find one thing that I am most called to do--since I also having a growing sense that this is not meant only to grow God's money but to grow myself and push me out of my comfort zone--I have already missed the first reporting date as I continue to discern. I feel a growing pressure to report but also to remain true to another and greater responsibility to grow the money given to me by God for his purpose.

So, returning to the idea of "One Thing." This one thing may be my response to something I've heard, read or done. It may be one thing I've committed to do. But it is a growth process foremost--to write one thing in response to some driving question in my mind. I committ to 100 entries, but it will continue beyond that as the Spirit moves.

Grace & Peace!